LIFE & STYLE DIARIES | MARCH 21st

What a beautiful morning we have woken up to here in the UK. I couldn’t help but do a little happy dance when I saw the weather for the next week is going to be sunny with some cloud. The sunshine just lifts my spirits so much that I’m trying to take as much positive from that as I can. It was weird, for the first time since all this started happening, I had fleeting moments last night where I forgot about it and it felt like any normal Friday night where we light the fire, put together our own cheese board and pour ourselves a glass of wine. Every so often it hit me what was actually going on in the world and I realised how much it made my heart sink more than I had maybe consciously acknowledged. I guess I’ve been trying to keep myself busy so much and “just cracking on” that I hadn’t really given myself time to really feel the emotions of it all. So I’m going to give myself the weekend to just really acknowledge those feelings instead of brushing them to one side as I’ve learnt over the years that brushing things under the rug only makes them stick up like a big bump under your rug for a very long time until you finally decide to deal with them head on.

I think the biggest thing aside from the sunshine right now is following people online, I think the internet gets a bad rep and I can be complicit in that because of the negativity we have to deal with so often but just this morning I’ve watched the story of Charlottes cat, Percy who was hit by a car, lost his eg and survived, come home for the first time in 5 weeks, I’ve watched my friends little girl playing in a cardboard H&M box and playing outside which made me smile from ear to ear, and i’ve seen pictures of both my friends new baby girls who were born a day apart last week. I’ve just seen so many people enjoying the outside world that despite knowing that this isn’t possible for everyone in the world, I just cant help feeling that maybe we will experience some good changes from all of this terribleness too. Like just getting outside more and enjoying the world more with our families. I’m just seeing so much positivity being shared online by everyone that its really just quite wonderful too. I know its not all rainbows and ponies and I’m really not trying to paint it like that, I’m just trying to search for the reasons why all this is happening because thats what I always do at times like this, there has to be a reason, lessons and good things to come from all this and they may not outweigh the loss and sorrow that its bringing but perhaps knowing that it wasn’t all in vain can at least soften it? I don’t know and I really am just brain dumping a little but when I’ve gone through some of the worst things in my life from losing jobs, having no where to live, losing Lynx, I had to keep my faith that there was a reason we were experiencing the pain that we were and I just had to trust the process and know that it will get better and maybe where I was at that point was not where I was supposed to be and fate was trying to lead me on a different, better path.

I hope this little ramble doesn’t offend anyone or i appear like I’m being insensitive, I’m kind of just talking from the heart here and sharing how I got myself through hard times in the past. I remember sitting in our kitchen trying to explain my thought process to Ali when he was really struggling with Lynx’s disappearance and explaining how I was coping with it, looking for the positives and reasons behind the darkness we were going through and i know it helped him through that. He found his own reasons and positives that made living with it bearable for him so I sort of hope the same applies here.

Sorry if it doesn’t, this is just kind of how I’m feeling today so I hope its OK that i share that.

How are you feeling today? It doesn’t matter if your low, anxious or feeling positive I just hope you know we can all discuss what we’re feeling here and its a safe space for venting. I know social media is a mine field but this little place here is mine and its just for the people that need to chat right now so go right a head.

Sending you all so much love right now because I know some of you are struggling and scared.